… to set it lower.
My alarm goes off at 7 and I wake up already disappointed that I haven’t already had my coffee and meditated and written a blog post and practiced yoga. It sets the tone for the rest of my day every day. How do I stop holding myself to these standards without feeling like I’m compromising on my best or ideal self?
A major epiphany I had today was that nothing really matters. Yes, people have written about this before. Yes, it’s in our textbooks. The sun will explode and kill us, or global warming will do it first, or some volcano will freakishly erupt and take us all like Pompeii.
But at the end of the day, whether I post today or not, no one cares. What time I woke up as long as it doesn’t interfere with other people’s business – no one cares. What I ate for breakfast, whether I worked out, whether I meditated, whether I read a book or listened to a podcast – literally no one cares if I did or did not do any of these things. They don’t affect anyone but me – and that’s perhaps what makes it that much more disappointing when I don’t do them. It’s the concept of discipline, willpower, the ability to rely on oneself.
I carve my life. I could watch TV every evening after work for the rest of my life. Hell, I could just stop working. “No one” really cares. Sure, my parents care. My friends might care. But in the long run, it doesn’t matter. And that’s kind of the beauty of it? Why not make this life on earth what you want it to be? Why not make it as comfortable or uncomfortable as you want? We have to be here – God presents us with challenges that we are capable of taking on. Every day is a choice.
Anyways, the point is – nothing matters. I have previously written about Expectations and Disappointment. I abstained from positioning myself in favor of the fact that setting your expectations too high can in fact lead to disappointment. However, after experiencing a few more months of life and re-watching an oldie but a goodie, I recognize now my stance has to be that low expectations are in fact the key.
I know the reason I didn’t want to admit it before is because it is hard for me to lower my expectations. It is hard for me to rid myself completely of expectations. As a sometimes optimist, I set the bar high in most situations. As a sometimes pessimist, I let my expectations sink to the point that it cripples my courage to try new things. It’s hard for me to find this paradise of a middle ground where I set low expectations and thus I am satisfied with whatever happens.
Striking a balance between what is low, high, and realistic may be key, and this mindset I’ll probably be working towards for quite a while.