… to set it lower.
My alarm goes off at 7 am, and I often wake up already feeling a little disappointed that I haven’t magically had my coffee, meditated, written a blog post, and done yoga. It kind of sets a slightly bummed-out tone for the rest of the day. How do I stop holding myself to these crazy standards without feeling like I’m giving up on being my best or ideal self?
I had a bit of a lightbulb moment today: nothing really matters, in the grand scheme of things. Yes, I know, people have written about this. It’s even in textbooks. The sun will eventually explode and take us all out, or global warming will get there first, or some rogue volcano will Pompeii us.
But honestly, whether I post something online today or not, no one’s going to lose sleep over it. What time I wake up, as long as it doesn’t mess with anyone else’s schedule – doesn’t matter to anyone but me. What I ate for breakfast, whether I worked out, meditated, read a book, or listened to a podcast – literally no one else cares if I did or didn’t do any of those things. They only affect me, which maybe makes it even more disappointing when I skip them. It all comes down to discipline, willpower, that feeling of being able to rely on yourself.
I’m the one who’s carving out my life. I could watch TV every evening after work for the rest of my days. Heck, I could just quit my job. “No one” would really care. Sure, my parents might care. My friends too. But in the long run? It doesn’t actually matter. And there’s a certain beauty in that, right? Why not make this life on earth what you actually want it to be? Why not make it as comfortable or uncomfortable as you choose? We’re here, for now. I believe that if there is a God, they present us with challenges that we are capable of taking on. Every day is a choice.
Anyway, the point is – nothing truly matters. I’ve written before about Expectations and Disappointment. I kind of sat on the fence, acknowledging that setting your expectations too high can definitely lead to disappointment. But after a few more months of living and reflecting, I’m starting to think that low expectations might actually be the key.
I think the reason I was hesitant to admit that before is because it’s hard for me to lower my expectations. It’s hard to completely get rid of them. As a sometimes-optimist, I tend to set the bar pretty high in most situations. As a sometimes-pessimist, I let my expectations sink so low that it paralyzes me and kills my courage to try new things. Finding that sweet spot, that middle ground where I set low expectations and am therefore happy with whatever happens, feels like a real challenge.
Finding a balance between what’s low, what’s high, and what’s actually realistic might be the key, and I’m guessing that’s a mindset I’ll be working on for a while.