Disappointment and regret often feel like they go hand in hand. While regret usually points the finger at ourselves, disappointment can be aimed anywhere – at people, at how things turn out, even at something as random as a bad draw of cards. It can sting from a bad grade, a friend missing something important, or just life not going our way. Whatever the cause, disappointment can lead to a real slump, especially when we’re the ones we’re disappointed in. But it’s interesting to realize that almost always, disappointment comes down to one thing: expectations.
Some people swear that keeping your expectations low is the secret to happiness. I’m still figuring out if I buy that. What I have noticed about myself is how easily I get stuck in this loop of setting my hopes really high, then things not working out, and ending up feeling disappointed.
I’ve always had pretty high standards for myself. Whether it was how I did in school, who I dated, or how much I could push myself at the gym, I always aimed to go above and beyond. That’s the goal, right? My parents never really had to push me in anything because I was already pushing myself. I set a bar and tried to reach it – with a little wiggle room, because everyone has off days.
Lately, though, I’ve started to see how those expectations can be tricky when it comes to feeling personally fulfilled. Even setting what seem like reasonable goals can be a setup. When something as simple as “post on this day” doesn’t happen because I just wanted to watch Netflix, I start feeling guilty, regretful, and – you guessed it – disappointed. Every day I wake up expecting to do something for myself because I want to, and then go to bed without doing it, feels like a day of small failures. It creates this negative link between the things I actually want to do (like having a blog or working out) and that familiar feeling of being let down.
It’s a cycle: expect something, fall short (either by not reaching the goal or not even trying), and then let disappointment get you down. Some people are really good at letting that disappointment stop them from trying again. I’ve been there. Others use it to pick themselves up and keep going. Man, I wish I could always use it as motivation. But since I often can’t, or don’t, does that mean I should just lower my expectations for everything? I don’t think so.
For now, I’ve found that the best way for me to handle disappointment is with gratitude. Being thankful for what I have and being a little easier on myself. So what if I didn’t write something today? The world didn’t end. I didn’t spontaneously combust because I didn’t type words on a screen. Instead, I can be grateful for enjoying my time watching Vampire Diaries and maybe even being one step closer to finally canceling Netflix. Either way, I probably got closer to one of my goals. And maybe that’s okay for today.
Whatever didn’t go my way, something else probably happened instead. I need to try and find that silver lining. I’m not going to lower my standards completely, but I’m also not going to beat myself up so much. Every day I wake up with the same goals, I have another shot at them. If I just give up on those goals, I lose that chance entirely, and trust me – giving up feels way worse than just being a little disappointed.
I needed to remind myself of this, so I hope it helps you out too.