Shadow work is a bit more complex than metacognition. The real challenge in it is reintegrating rejected parts of the self. Figuring out why those parts are being rejected, and why they shouldn’t be is a lot more difficult than simple self reflection.
It was my thirteen year old self. A self I had shamed into the corner of my mind, applying all the stickers of insecurities and insults that others gave to me instead of casting them away. With each year, I intentionally put distance as quickly as possible between versions of me as I grew, shaking off stickers though many still clung tightly. With enough time, I had gone far enough away that I wouldn’t be reminded.
But you know, she never left. She was still there, in the corner where she’d been relegated. Anytime I saw a reflection of her in someone I met, some mannerism or behavior, it brought up a wall.
Projection.
Growth was but an illusion.
In January, I reached out. I had to face her, be the adult that hugged her and supported her, and accepted her for everything she was and wasn’t. Her quirks and awkwardness. Her potential and stubbornness. Her talents and shortcomings. I had to be there for me because no one else was going to. The time had long passed, and casting her away was a temporary state, with an inevitable ending if I were to continue to progress in self-actualization.
We embraced and I showed her what she’d achieved, the friends she’d made, the apartment she gets in New York, the trips she goes on, the new things she tries, crazy life experiences and precious time with family and friends.
What do you wish you could say to your younger self?
