I’m alone, but I don’t need a partner. I need a bus buddy. Think of everyone you know, getting on a school bus - who will sit next to you? Who has you as their #1 choice? Who will you sit next to?
“Put yourself out there.” I party, game, socialize, snowboard, travel, reunite with friends, meet new people, attend f45 happy hours, attend social club events, and speak with strangers online every day. I’m doing my 50%. God is now responsible for the other 50%. Timing is out of my hands - only because I have the privilege of time.
Living alone inevitably leads to moments of loneliness, though loneliness can find anyone anywhere, even when surrounded by friends and family. The loneliness that comes to me most is being unable to fulfill that desire of “I want to be witnessed; I want to be known.” Everyone knows the big things - starting a new job, buying a house, marriage, babies, travel - it goes on social media for everyone to see. I want someone to see the care with which I maintain my home, in how precisely I make my yogurt bowls, the rituals I have when I wake and before I sleep. Sharing in those little moments is what love is. That’s what it is to be witnessed and be known.
Focusmate has been a godsend in this sense; small tasks or activities that no one would otherwise ever see of my day can now be shared with an accountability buddy. Not only do they keep me on task, but they provide a quiet human connection that someone else is there. I am witnessed, I am known.
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around, does it make a sound? If I as the tree fall and no one sees, did it happen? Did I exist? Yes. For those who are more devotional, there is God as our witness. For those who need someone more material, look in the mirror. You are your own witness, you know yourself. This is a bandaid argument, temporarily alleviating the aloneness.
Because that’s all loneliness is, is a feeling. Feelings come and go. States of mind are persistent. It is more important to prove your worth to yourself than anyone else. The most important person to keep promises to, to follow through for, to follow up with, to take care of, is you. We think we are loving when we are giving, giving too much at the expense of our own sense of selves, of our health. If you can’t show up for yourself, no one else will / can be relied upon forever (e.g., parents). No one is coming to save you.
Saved from what? The experience of life? The six decades stretched out with an itinerary you feel you’re responsible for creating? There are no worries… the contracts were signed. Your life has already been laid out. You are there for the journey.
Today’s voyage looks different than voyages of generations past. I am here for a good time, and a long time. Counting my blessings. Crying some days and not others. The downs that Buddha himself sought out allowed him to place relative value on the ups, which was all that he knew. Without black, we would not know white.
I like to think I’m waxing philosophical but this is full of cliches, I’m sure. Good reminders for myself nonetheless, to continue gratitude, journaling, tarot, yogurt bowls, my little practices so that I am witnessed and can be known.
More to come on contracts…