I once had a conversation with a retired and enlightened Berkeley professor. He provided the following three pillars regarding happiness:
- If x happens, I am happy.
- If x doesn’t happen, I am unhappy.
- Regardless of whether x happens, I will be joyful as a state of being.
Happiness is an emotion. Like all other emotions, it comes and goes. You’ve probably heard multiple times that happiness is not a destination; you can feel it now if you allow yourself.
What is more important is your state of being. Emotions are like the weather – they change every day, every hour. State of being is like the climate – a foundation for the weather, consistent and enduring. Working on your state of being is paramount to baseline how you feel every day. The highs may be high and the lows may be low but stabilizing the foundation of your emotions keeps you from getting swept up in every feeling that comes along.
Aside from their emphasis on an overarching state of being, the pillars establish that happiness is transient but attainable; I only needed to figure out what my recipe was for making it. On March 5, I was discussing happiness and purpose with my friend Karan. In the course of the conversation, I unexpectedly came across my answer for both. The following quote by Bob Dylan best sums up my trigger for happiness:
What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.
Each day, I have a set of tasks I want to accomplish. If I am able to achieve all that I set out to do, then I am happy. But there’s an extra-mile component that I need to address: I want to go through my day unhurried, without feeling late, without stress. I just wrote about what a good day looks like for me. I can feel good when I check off my to-dos in my bullet journal, but to do it at ease is a higher level of contentment that I strive for.
By delving into the specifics of my happiness, I was able to derive a set of actionable steps that I can use to reach it than treating it as an elusive goal. Understanding that this is my trigger has actually been motivation for getting certain tasks done faster than I would have before this self-understanding. The onus is now on me to make the required changes to get what I need done in a day. If I want to do something as simple as my makeup in the morning unhurriedly or drive to work without feeling stressed, I need to wake up earlier, which means I need to sleep earlier, etc. If I want to feel happy, I know how to get there.
This doesn’t mean I feel happy all the time. Having the answers doesn’t mean I implement them easily. Each day is a different challenge, but at least now I have a framework and an appreciation for the little things that make up this larger contentment.
What makes you happy?